1 month old

Dear Nathan,

You just turned one month old... mommy has been looking forward to this as I've been told that the first month is the most difficult... which means it's going to get easier soon. Yay!

It has been a trying month. The first 2 weeks were relatively easier because all you did was eat and sleep. You'd fall asleep after each feed and wake up 3 hours later for your next feed. Mommy was pretty amazed at how you'd wake up almost exactly 3 hours after your last feed. From week 3 onwards, you didn't fall asleep immediately after each feed. You'd want to stay awake so I had to think of wake time activities to keep you occupied. Then came the hard part - putting you to sleep. After the wake time activities, you'd start fussing, and it's clear to me that you've had enough and would like to sleep. But you had difficulty falling asleep on your own in your cot. Mommy didn't want to rock you to sleep as I was afraid that it'd become a habit. I also didn't want to let you suckle to sleep as that'd be a bad habit too. So... I really didn't know how to get you to sleep. You can cry from the end of one wake time to the start of the next feed... and you crying makes mommy cry too. After lots of prayer, and speaking with friends who've just had babies, we're managing better at the sleep front. I'm still hoping that you'd sleep thru the night by the time you are 8 weeks old. It's really tiring as I've not slept more than 3 hours ever since you arrived. Sleep - one of the things we need to continue working at.

We struggled with breastfeeding. You were rather fussy and impatient and I had trouble getting you to latch on properly. Improper latching resulted in sore and cracked nipples. Thankfully mommy has a pretty high threshold of pain. So I continued latching you although it was painful. Now, we've both gotten the hang of it. I enjoy holding you in my arms, and watching you suckle. Such joy!

You hated bath times. You'd bawl from the time you're undressed and wouldn't stop till I've finishing bathing you and dressing you. I bought you a bath seat as I thought it could be because you were feeling insecure with just mommy holding you, but you still continued crying in the bath seat. I tried getting you to hold on to something so you'd feel more secure, but you still wouldn't stop crying. Until I figure out what works for you, you're only having one bath a day. It's just too stressful for mommy.

Your daddy has been a wonderful husband and doting father. Mommy is so thankful for him. I've never really seen the fatherly side of him, and was amazed that he took on the role of daddy so easily. The first day I saw daddy in his work clothes after the delivery, I teared. You were still undergoing phototherapy and when he came to kiss me goodbye in your room, I teared. He stayed home for the first 5 days or so after your arrival, and I was getting used to having him around. I suppose I was feeling overwhelmed.

Dear God, please continue to grant me the strength, wisdom and patience as I learn how to care for Nathan and meet his needs. I pray that Nathan will be able to feed well, sleep well and grow well. Give Dean an extra portion of your strength as he has a heavy work load. Bless our little family of 3. Amen.

In spite of the lack of sleep, stress and tears, mommy and daddy are still so thankful for you. You've brought both joy and tears. I'm sure we'll do better going forward as mommy and daddy get better at our jobs as parents. Meanwhile, be patient with us as we try to decipher your cries and meet your needs. We love you loads!

Hugs and kisses,

Mommy