Good night! I love you!

For as long as I can remember, I would lie beside Nathan / Noah's bed after lights out, waiting for them to fall asleep before I returned to my own room. Some nights, I'd be so tired, I end up falling asleep in their room.

Nathan was fine if I went out of his room before he fell asleep, but Noah would start calling for me if he realizes that I am not there. As it was getting quite uncomfortable for me lying on the bean bags / pillows in their room with my bulging tummy, I decided that before the year ended, I'd return to my room immediately after lights out.

So today, I talked to Noah about it in the afternoon, and again in the evening.

Me: We'd read bedtime stories, pray, hug and kiss... Then mommy's going to my room to sleep. If you need something, you can ask kor kor for help... But I think you'll be fine, cos you're a big boy now. Is that okay?

Noah: Okay.

I was kinda surprised that he didn't protest. So to make sure he understood me... I asked...

Me: So after our good night hugs & kisses, where is mommy going to go?

Noah: Downstairs. And I will sleep with kor kor... When it is morning, I will see you again.

Brilliant! And we did just that tonight! With no fussing at all.

Am glad that it was so easy... But feeling that tinge of sadness cos my boys are growing up that little bit more... Reminds me of the time when Nathan first slept thru the night.

Nathan's Sleeps in His Own Room

Nathan usually sleeps in his own room during his day time naps, and in mommy and daddy's room at night. Now that he's capable of sleeping thru the night, we figured that we can let him sleep in his own room at night too.

In preparation for that, we decided to lower his cot mattress just in case he sits up or stands up on his own when we are not around. Not that he can do any of that on his own presently... but you never know when.

31 Jan is the first night that Nathan will sleep in his own room alone. After his night feed and warm bath, I told him that he's a big boy now, and he'll be sleeping in his own room from then on. I settled him in his cot, and switched off his room lights. We said our bedtime prayers with Nathan, kissed him good night and left him in his cot to fall asleep on his own. That's his usual bedtime routine. He's usually capable of falling asleep on his own without much fuss. That night, I suspect he got confused and wondered why he was in his downstairs cot instead of his upstairs cot. He cried once. Mommy went in to explain that he's sleeping in his own room from now, and assured him that all is well. After a few minutes, he cried again. This time, daddy went in. He fell asleep soon after. At about 3am, I heard him crying thru the baby monitor. I went into his room, tucked him under his blanket, and said, "Nathan, mommy's here". He took one look at me, popped his thumb back into his mouth, and fell asleep soon after. The next time he woke up was at 8am, for his first feed. :)

I didn't expect that it'd be a difficult move as he usually sleeps in his own room in the day, and even when he sleeps in our room at night, he sleeps in his own cot. Maybe it was more difficult for me than for Nathan. I felt a tinge of sadness as I walked back to our room without Nathan. For the last few months, I would carry him to our room after his bath, tuck him in his cot, pray with him and leave him to fall asleep on his own. I could hear him when he sucks his thumb, and could easily check on him in the middle of the night. I felt sad as my baby has grown that little bit older. Old enough to sleep in his own room. It's the same feeling I get each time he hits a new milestone. On one hand, I'm filled with joy that he can now do something new, but at the same time, I'm sad cos he's grown that little bit older. Strange... I wonder if it's just me. Dean doesn't really feel that way. He says they'll be more milestones even as he grows.

After that first night, he didn't cry anymore when I left him in his room the next two nights. He didn't even wake up in the middle of the night to fuss. My baby has really grown that little bit older. *sob*

Sleeping Thru the Night - 10 hours

At 14 weeks, Nathan's sleeping 10 hours at night. He's done that 3 nights in a row, and I'm pretty certain that it's for the long haul. He sleeps at 9pm and wakes up at about 7am. After a nice warm bath, I'd settle him in his bed. We'd thank God for the day and pray for ourselves and our loved ones. Thereafter, I leave him alone in his cot, and he falls asleep on his own. Yay! He's stopped waking up at 1am to fuss and does not need the 4.30am feed anymore. Finally more sleep for mommy and daddy. He still wakes up about once or twice in the middle of the night. Thankfully, getting him to go back to sleep is pretty easy. I'd give him his pacifier and say, "Nathan, it's still night time. Go back to sleep...". And he usually falls asleep soon after.

I'm so glad he's sleeping thru the night. As much as we've prayed so much that Nathan will be able to sleep thru by 8 weeks, and read about how a fixed routine and a correct feed-wake-sleep cycle will help babies to sleep thru from as early as 8 weeks, I was still pretty doubtful as I've also heard of babies who still require both their night feeds when they are 15 months old. I'm so thankful that Nathan's able to rest well at night without waking up for night feeds. Another answered prayer. :)

The next step would be to move him into his own room. He sleeps in his own room for day time naps, but has been sleeping in our room (in his own cot) at night. I'm hoping to move him to his own room when he stops needing me to coax him back to sleep in the middle of the night... hopefully by the time he's 6 months old.

Sleeping Thru the Night - 7 hours

Nathan's about 8 weeks old, and he's started to skip his first middle of the night feed (he has 2 middle of the night feeds, one at about 1am, and another at about 4am). Some days, he still wakes up at 1am to fuss, and I'd have to coax him to sleep. It doesn't take that much effort to get him to sleep again, so I figure he's not hungry.

He still wakes up for his 4.30am feed. I've tried to coax him to sleep, but he continues fussing. When I feed him, he happily finishes a full feed. I suppose that means he still needs this feed.

So in total, he's sleeping from about 9pm to 4.30am. 7 hours :). Actually, 7 hours is already counted as sleeping thru according to the books. The books suggest giving him an additional feed at 11pm or so, so that the 4.30am feed can be pushed back to about 6.30am. I've decided not to do this as I'd like his bedtime to be 9pm. So for now, I'll continue waking up at 4.30am to feed him... till he's old enough to do without this feed.

I'm so glad that Nathan's more or less sleeping thru. Now I'll just need to figure out how to cut out the 1am fussing.

Zzzzz...

I posted the following shoutout on Facebook and was pleasantly surprised to get 32 responses! I was getting desperate as I can't seem to get Nathan to fall asleep on his own. It was comforting to know others who've struggled with the same problem (some still struggling), and the solutions they've found.

Dean and I were talking about how blessed we were that there are so many of our friends are expecting babies at about the same time as us. Other than Nathan having playmates in future, it also helps us as parents. I'm so thankful for friends who've just gone down the 'new parents road'. They have been so encouraging. Hearing how they dealt with various issues with their newborns has helped me to handle Nathan better.

I can't stand it when folks talk about how taking care of babies is easy, or that we've got an easy baby, that sleeping thru will naturally happen... even more so when it comes from people who 'farmed out' their babies from the time they were 2 months old. If they hardly saw their babies in the week, and left the baby care to someone else, of course it is easy. If you've not had to deal sleep depravation, breast feeding and changing diapers in the middle of the night, I do not want to hear your mindless comments.

Other than hearing from loved ones and friends, the two books that I've found helpful are Gary Ezzo's On Becoming Baby Wise and Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby. Incidentally, these two books were also recommended by our friends. I don't follow Gina Ford's strict schedule, but I apply the principles. Both books are based on the feed-wake-sleep principle. The idea is to repeat these three activities in the right order, in rhythmic cycles. As Gary wrote in his book,"routine leads to consistency, consistency leads to stabiliszation of each activity... as a result, the whole family is blessed by the order brought to baby's day".

I started off feeding Nathan on demand, which resulted in a 3 hour cycle. Wake time needs to follow after feed time. It is easy to put baby to sleep immediately after a feed, especially at the beginning because babies naturally fall asleep at the breast. But the books says that if you allow that, baby doesn't take a full feed, he sleeps but wakes up shortly after because he's still hungry. You'd end up with a baby that doesn't feed well nor sleep well, and a very tired mom who has to feed very often. Snack feeding is something to avoid at the very start. The idea is to ensure that baby stays awake to finish a full feed. Having fed well, play with him till he's tired (usually you'd be able to tell cos he'll start fussing). When he's tired, settle him in his cot wide awake. You want him to learn how to sleep on his own, without the need for sleep props.

With all the suggestions gathered, I'm slowly figuring out what works for Nathan. I found that swaddling Nathan helps him to sleep better. Else his arms will be flailing about, and he wakes himself up. Nicely swaddled, I'd sing him a bedtime song. The same song all the time so he'll recognise it as his bedtime song. On good days, he'll fall asleep shortly. Some days, it takes a bit of effort. If he still doesn't sleep, I'll put him on his tummy, and pat his bum. He'd fuss for a bit cos he generally doesn't like being put on his tummy. But after a few pats, he'll usually fall asleep. In the day, I do not draw the curtains so he'll be able to differentiate day from night. For nights, there are no wake times. If I talk to him, it'll be in hushed tones. He's put straight back to bed after a feed. With the full feeds and routine established, you're working towards getting baby to sleep thru the night. My goal is to get Nathan to sleep thru by the time he's 8 weeks old so that both Dean and I can rest better.